The Daily Sporfler

Resurfacing briefly here - heavenly_dancer was good enough to link us to this fic, Elven Dreams by jodles-angel, a while back, and it's a classic Sue. I should mention here that, though we don't really have time to go fic-hunting at the moment, we will be delighted to post (with credit) any fics contributed by other folks.

Basically, Privet Drive blows up for no reason, and Harry gets rescued by fanon!elves who turn him into a girl, as is their wont. Of course, he also becomes a Sue princess with lots of purple clothes (and an unusual amount of leather gear).

( He is used to being a girl now, in fact he sort of prefers it. He is… me )

Daily Sporfle would like to wish you all a happy Nonspecific Winter Festival! And to squee fangirlishly at the title of the next book.

Oh dear. I see we have a few messages wondering where we are, and well you might ask. We've been a bit useless lately, haven't we?

Basically, we've been pretty busy, and that doesn't look likely to change any time soon. One of us has just started her final year in college, and is rushed off her feet. The other is spending a year in Japan, which entails a lot of work and a shoddy internet connection, and is still recovering from dissertation-related RSI. So Sporfle duties are kind of problematic for both of us at the moment. We haven't forgotten about it, and have every intention of reviving this at some point in the future, but... yeah, it's probably going to be on hiatus for a while yet. We're sorry to let you all down, because we've really enjoyed doing this, but it seems to be a bit more than either of us can manage at the moment.

Today's story, The XanderCordelia Factor, by American Apathy 666, has very little to do with Buffy, except that I think much of the plot may be stolen from it. It's essentially an extended infomercial for various brands of skater clothes, with the obligatory Hot Topic mentions, of course.

( Hermione followed, anger emitting from her like BO from the boys locker rooms. )

Time for some classic Transfer-Sues, I think. The Great and Terrible American just makes me think of Oz, but I'm guessing that wasn't the effect Darkend Fire was aiming for. On the plus side, I've never seen a Sue with a blog before, nor did I know that Hogwarts has wireless.

( Three American Girls get sent to Hogwarts for a exchange program. Will the HP gang be able to handle how crazy the Americans really are? )

Woe, I tried to post tonight but I'm getting nothing but "server not responding" messages from ff.net. Hopefully should be able to post tomorrow...

Katie's choiche, by The Halfbloofprincess, is amusingly worded rather than offensively bad; yes, it's by a second-language speaker who's also thirteen, and as such I feel mildly bad about Sporfling about it, but it's just got such funny bits that I couldn't pass it up. (Kudos to the author for making it as legible as it is - I came across an incident of trolling today which was perpetrated by a girl I know to be 21 and a native English speaker, and this is a damn sight better.) Also, the author's name is spectacular.

( Katie didn’t know why she didn’t tell Oliver what Roger had done. Maybe she was afraid he would beat him up. No, she wasn’t afraid of that. That would actually be pretty cool. )

Today we have an assortment from the many short fics written by wittier112.

( Ron was climbing what he thought was Hermoine’s window while saying the ever popular saying “what light through yonder window breaks it is the east a Juliet is the sun” but instead of Juliet he put Hermoine. )

Oooh, sorry for the long absence, folks. Final-year exams, a nasty case of RSI, and general busyness conspired to keep us away from Sporfle HQ. Hopefully we can now resume a more-or-less normal service.


Today we have A Smile From Slytherin, by Harlequin Girl. It features that rare beast, a Marcus-Flint-Stu. Also, I feel the Sue's name, Mayella, may have been stolen from To Kill A Mockingbird. There are only two chapters up, but I'm already being distinctly weirded out by Marcus' relationship with his sister.

( I was leading him on with my butt talk )

The Pain of Saying Good bye by Senya Lady of the Serpents smacks of self-insert for a number of reasons. When the author gives Hermione (a Voldemort's-Daughter Sue, with an Evil Twin Sister as a bonus) the middle name "Risika" and then signs her chapter with the same name, there's obviously an act of self-insertion being perpetrated. However, the fact that she reels off a random list of more than fifteen extraneous friends - I couldn't be bothered check exactly how many - seems to me to either indicate a rather OTT level of connection with the character (and given that it's a Muggle-torturing Death Eater Hermione, that worries me somewhat) to the point of dragging ALL the people she knows along for the ride... or else, she's a bit lonely and would like to have a large group of friends.

Either way, I'm not madly impressed with the author. I mean, I was out with Kathy, Moira, Sue, Mark, Joey, Lea, Peter, Tony, Michael, Adam J, Neil, Aoife, Keith, Zac, Saidhbh, Eleanor, Sandra, Zoe, Sally, Sarah, Jenny, Etain, Carl, Kev, *gasp* and Sophie and her fiancee whose name I forget last night, and you don't see me bragging.

Also, she uses the word "expspecially" on her bio. 'Nuff rambling from me.

Edit: Also Denis. How could I have left him out?

( 'But Jen, what about our high school dreams?' Kristi asked with a look of hrt evident in her eyes. )

Apologies for lack of posting, y'all - this has been a mad busy week, and will culminate in the Rocky Horror Picture Show this evening (it's in the Sugar Club, doors at eight, if anybody's in Dublin and interested in going! I'm phantoming) - regular service will hopefully resume shortly.

I generally try not to be too mean about our feachered fics (no, honest! We're sweet and pleasant compared to some of the other fanfic-sporking LJs), but I'll make an exception for Unrequeited love by Shippers Anonymous. I think we need an "abysmal" tag for this one. The snippets should give you a fair idea of what we're dealing with; can't say exactly why this one seems worse than our general source material, but... it just does.

(  'WTF is going on her?!' Molly shrieked at the top of her lungs like a bird. )

Today's fic, War of the Ancients by Archangel the lord of death (a rare male author, I suspect, with a name like that), is apparently a HP/Warcraft crossover. I don't know much about that area of fandom, but I suspect most of this would still be funny if I did.

( the ghouls drooled slightly but that was normal for ghouls )

In tonight's feacher, Changin' Times by DisguisedInsanity, Harry and Hermione start going out after having random poorly-described sex. Their relationship is immediately on the rocks, and Harry cheats on her with "Marissa" after about twenty minutes. I feel this author could do with some work on her use of timing.

( I've been told my writing is more serious then a lot of peoples so if it’s too complicated for your little minds to grasp, stop reading. )

Sorry again for the erratic Sporfle situation - I'm in the midst of studying for exams, my buddy is in the midst of actually doing her exams, and I think my arms are kind of kaputt from typing my dissertation, so I'm limiting my computer time in order to actually have a functioning writing arm in time for my finals. If you thought you heard a rising note of panic in my voice just there, you're totally wrong.

In my search for a good fic for tonight, I would just like you to know that I found Harry/Goyle slash.

Unfortunately it was a little too well-written for sporfling, but never fear - we've got Christmas Disaster: A Journey of Faith, by Spicey-Muffin. Worst title ever, surely?

( Frist of all the Forbidden wodds is off limits to all.  )

Muggle school, by Quillmagic, is the first piece of badfic that I've found in a long time that I really feel deserves the "favourite" tag... it's just a gem. Best New Voldemort Title in a long while, too.

( The story is that you have transferred from a different school a MUGGLE SCHOOL and when it is time to leave then you say that you are transferring to another school a MUGGLE SCHOOL don't say muggle though k. )

In honour of last night's Eurovision win by Lordi, we've got a Finnish-badfic for you. (That's a lie... actually, what we have is The Hogwarts Singing Contest, by SlytherinWicca, which has "finish" misspelled in the summary. But what can you do.)
This fic is an example of that strangely common genre, the contest-songfic, popular because of its lack of any kind of plot whatsoever. (And its potential for bashing the characters you don't like and dressing up the ones you do like in unlikely Muggle punky-gothkid gear. Ad nauseum.)
My exams are nearly over... normal service resuming soon, I promise!

( The SECOND version of my Singing Contest COMMON PPL READ THIS! I REALLY need votes so i can finally finnish up the story!! )

I haven't had internet access all weekend, so here's a double-Sporfle for you: two fictions by nelmari.

( Their games consisted of sword fighting, dragon pouncing, a quiet and magical variety of Pictionary and sometimes even Magical Trivial Pursuit. )

When I found tonight's feacher, I immediately knew there was something different about it... it was badfic all right, but it just wasn't in the usual run of the vast majority of Pit of Voles badfic. The random, poorly-executed self-insert held the explanation. It's part of a new genre: Stoner Boy Badfic. You guys saw it here first!
So, here's No more mrnice guy by D.Giyagas; this one's for my ex-boyfriend. If you're reading this, Simon, I hope you appreciate the honour.

( Dumbledore looked at Ron and there was twinkle in his eye, so Ron punched him in the gut. Everyone around was like 'WTF?!' )

Here's The black rose tear, by musegurl18... I am too tired to come up with witty comments for this one, but I have every faith in you guys to complete that task for me.

( Sitting in front of the hearth Harry decided to end to night with some whiskey and a furry companion. )

Sorry about yesterday's non-Sporfle; things may be a bit patchy around here in the next while as both of us are about to start our exams. I've taken over on account of Co-Sporfler being a finalist whereas I'm only a slacker of a second-year, and I'll post as often as possible. It's a nice break from Chaucer anyway!

I was hoping for some Bad Sexx when I located Seductively Sensual, by LORD WABLACHIPS. Unfortunately I was disappointed, but I suspect it may have earned every other tag over the course of the seventy thousand words (lordy). Not that I read the whole thing - these excerpts are from the first few chapters, and the one titled His erotic breath - seriously, could you pass that one up?
Anyway, there are a pair of Mary-Sues with Mysterious Unspecified Powers That Are Better Than Harry's - he's just a Voldemort decoy in this fic. Of course. So far, the Unspecified Powers seem to mainly involve seducing Sirius Black and the Weasley twins.

( 'I am too manly and cocky to be your mother..' said Frederick with a playful cocked grin )