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Sat, Jun. 24th, 2006, 10:21 pm

Today's story, The XanderCordelia Factor, by American Apathy 666, has very little to do with Buffy, except that I think much of the plot may be stolen from it. It's essentially an extended infomercial for various brands of skater clothes, with the obligatory Hot Topic mentions, of course.



Chapter numero the first

platinum hair falling into his now sapphire eyes.

Elated as he was, nothing could prepare him for the identity of the Head Girl: Hermione Granger. Or Ermine Cringer, as he liked to call the Mudblood.

Finding the door marked “Heade boye” he whispered the password.

As if from nowhere, a big punch bag appeared, and a Metallica CD popped right onto his bed. A boom box materialized on his desk.

“Oh, I don’t think he’ll bother me. My mudblood would stain him, or so he’d say.”

Gold and red hangings struck her eyes

“Sweeeeet…..” he let his inner skater and rock star come out. Grabbing his chest (the elves had already transported all his stuff into his new room) he pulled out a Cradle of Filth tee-shirt and black torn jeans. Shaking his hair into a skater-ish style (one bit of hair covering his left eye), he started to the radio. Holding the Metallica CD, he smirked.

He then conked out on the bed, thinking rage-filled thoughts. He had squeezed the blankets, pounded the pillow and turned the music up as far as it could go. Then, he remembered black.

sarcasm dripped off his lips, his mouth twisted into a wry smile, his inner skater coming back out.

Smirking, he set his skateboard down, and did his skatin’ thang.

She giggled, insanity working in her mind like black oil

"Everyone else, change into something you’re not afraid to rip or tear or get grimy.”

Note that Hermione issues this instruction in the middle of a Death Eater Attack.
Co-sporfler: Quick! the Death Eaters are coming! Put on your aprons!

Running in, they found themselves in a basement.
“A BASEMENT!” they both shouted in unison.

Draco couldn’t’ believe he was hiding in a BASEMENT. Of all the stupidest things to hide in, this was the topper.

Hermione followed, anger emitting from her like BO from the boys locker rooms.

Yet…when she had seen him, in that American Apathy tee, and those awesomely hot black jeans, with, ohmigod, a skateboard, and his hair so messed up, she felt a wriggly, happy feeling, like when she was near Ron or when she had a test in front of her.

He took the Dope CD and put it in the radio.

Wearing a Green Day sweatshirt and black cargo pants, he was stared at by many people. No-one knew Draco owned a GD shirt, or that he wore (gasp!) cargo pants! To top it all off, he was wearing Converses

fire and electricity was running through his body, joy sensors tingling.

Now for some web-surfin’… she thought, grinning as she typed in her xanga address. Once on and logged in, she looked down at her comments. There were 86 e-props, 44 comments, most of which begged her to update.

Her hand found his, and glued itself to it.

By the end of the month, Draco had recovered enough to walk, talk and sass anyone he chose.

I hear that lovers in Ireland give [a Claddagh ring] to their loved one, to prove their everlasting love.

The note had described it as the ultimate show of faithfulness and devotion amongst Irish people, known for their artistic and beautiful craftsmanship in fine jewelery.

I’ve got enough quid to last us till the end of the year

“A-HA! This song’s by Cold. It’s a slow song, and it’s depressing. Care to dance?”

Hermione stood frozen, fear and anger confusing her basic motor functions.

Sat, Jun. 24th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
semi_subtle

she felt a wriggly, happy feeling, like when she was near Ron or when she had a test in front of her.
Hermione is aroused by tests?

He then conked out on the bed, thinking rage-filled thoughts.
Awww, the little slugger! So peaceful when he's asleep...

By the end of the month, Draco had recovered enough to walk, talk and sass anyone he chose.
...as opposed to the week previous, when Draco was only permitted to sass the people Madame Pompfrey allowed.

Smirking, he set his skateboard down, and did his skatin’ thang.
Kill me.

Sat, Jun. 24th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
dying_stars

Ow, I think my eyes are bleeding. Draco Malfoy as a seething skater of raaaaage kind of broke my brain.

Also, I think Hogwarts need to spellcheck its doors. An extra 'e' on the end of everything hasn't been grammatically correct in centuries.

Though, I have to say, equating rage to body odor = TEH WIN. I think I'm going to describe anger as stink lines from now on.

Sat, Jun. 24th, 2006 09:44 pm (UTC)
just_the_ash

To top it all off, he was wearing Converses

1. This brand of athletic shoes, ancient in Suethor terms (i.e. likely older than the Suethor), is referred to by at least its US wearers as "Converse" without the redundant S. She could tell us what kind of Converse (the iconic Chuck Taylor canvas high-top? What color?) is fashionable among OOC Slytherin Head Boys these days.

2. I want to strangle people who refer to topping off an outfit with shoes, which, worn as we Muggles do, are on the bottom of things and firmly planted on the ground. I could understand a reference to Skater!Draco's topping himself it all off with a hairstyle or hat, but the shoe thing, while more a cliché problem than a technical point, just bugs me.

Sat, Jun. 24th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
daily_sporfle

There are many pairs of Converse in this fic; one pair is pinstriped, and there is also a reference to something called "pinstripe Chucks" which I'm guessing is the aforementioned iconic high-top. Slytherins love their Cons.

Sat, Jun. 24th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC)
just_the_ash

Is it okay to be a Ravenclaw and wear Doc Martens? This Suethor really has me baffled. She means Draco to be extremely rebellious, but bands such as, for example, Metallica and Green Day are just as mainstream and corporately owned as... as... I dunno, Converse or Hot Topic.

Sun, Jun. 25th, 2006 03:51 am (UTC)
lexie_b

Yes, but if you try to explain this to a Suethor, their heads explode. Luckily there's never any mess.

Sun, Jun. 25th, 2006 04:03 am (UTC)
hourlily

Now for some web-surfin’… she thought, grinning as she typed in her xanga address. Once on and logged in, she looked down at her comments. There were 86 e-props, 44 comments, most of which begged her to update.

NO NO NO. HERMIONE DOES NOT HAVE A XANGA.

Mon, Jun. 26th, 2006 01:56 pm (UTC)
nimbus1944

Her hand found his, and glued itself to it.
fire and electricity was running through his body, joy sensors tingling.

"Do that again," he said, and Hermione gave him another zap with her joy buzzer.

Hermione stood frozen, fear and anger confusing her basic motor functions.
"Did I just breathe in, or out? All day long, decisions, decisions..."

Mon, Jun. 26th, 2006 11:11 pm (UTC)
phantomcranefly

Gold and red hangings struck her eyes

Hermione: Ow! My eyes! Stupid hangings!

Thu, Jul. 13th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC)
edgeofthewild

platinum hair falling into his now sapphire eyes.

Yes, they were brown last week ...

Thu, Jul. 27th, 2006 12:15 pm (UTC)
nimbus1944

The note had described it as the ultimate show of faithfulness and devotion amongst Irish people

He took her to Boomerangs on a Cheesy Thursday.

Fri, Aug. 4th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC)
tamzinrose

[i]Chapter numero the first[/i] That in itself is irritating. Why put "numero" if you're not then going to follow it up with the obligatory "uno"?

Ermine Cringer...is that funny/insulting in anyway at all? I am being ridiculously dense and this is in fact an incredible parody of her name that would reduce her to tears and catch on like wildfire, leading to the whole school chasing and taunting her? (Hint to this author: write this story next!)

I'm a little concerned that Draco possesses both the inner skater and the inner rock star. It must be ever so crowded in there! When does he find time to think? Well, clearly he doesn't, since he's too busy with his tingling joy sensors and gluing his hands to other people, which I assume is a backfired prank...

Tue, Aug. 29th, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC)
mollyisacatlady

When is the sporfle returning? oo

Mon, Sep. 11th, 2006 11:53 am (UTC)
twistedkitty727

Yes, please do return, my friends and I all miss you greatly! We fear the worst- that the Four-Year-Old Cousin of Doom is back!

Mon, Sep. 11th, 2006 08:10 pm (UTC)
nimbus1944

I think they're safe from that dreaded little would-be Slytherin. One of the team popped up yesterday on my page in a comment on some semi-Sporfle.

Accept no imitations. Hold out for the real thing. The Daily Sporfle lives! It shall return!

Fri, Oct. 18th, 2013 05:20 pm (UTC)
daily_sporfle

We had an awful lot of fun at my wedding convincing the dreaded four-year-old, now eleven, that she was a Slytherin. She insists she's a Gryffindor, but we know better.

*cough* We are thinking of doing something Sporfle-related, soon...

Fri, Oct. 13th, 2006 10:08 pm (UTC)
girlofjuly

Still hoping for Sporfle to return...

Thu, Mar. 11th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
tamzinrose

MORE SPORFLE PLEASE
[also, I just read this entry and giggled, then read the comments and was amused that I'd made one]